The Arizonian

Fri Sep 21, 2012 6:09 pm

New Coaching Regime Names Rookie as Starting QB

It didn't take new coach illmatic216 long to shake things up with his Arizona squad. Early Friday afternoon, just days away from the opening game of the season, Aaron Corp was signed and named the starter for the Arizona cardinals.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Aaron Corp was named the starter on Friday

"We just felt like.... well, let's be honest here. We felt like Kevin Kolb was terrible and John Skelton isn't a legitimate NFL starting QB. I didn't draft those guys and don't owe them anything," said coach illmatic216 to the press Friday afternoon.

After displaying lackluster skills and leadership, Skelton and Kolb were told of the move. Kolb responded, "Well, you know it does suck I have to ride the pine as a 3rd string QB. But on the bright side, I'm RICH BIATCH!!"

Corp was initially enrolled at USC as a backup to Mark Sanchez, but transferred to Richmond where he started immediately, and later got injured. After a solid workout and practice, coach illmatic216 signed Corp to a one-year deal. Initial plans are to give Corp a few weeks, with a basic gameplan and see how he leads the troops. Skelton will serve as the backup and Kolb will be sitting on the end of the bench, as far away from the coaching staff as possible. Fans have been baffled and surprised by the move, but the general opinion is that it can't get any worse than it currently is with Kolb.

Arizona enters the season as underdogs in a NFC West division that has recently been manhandled by the 49ers. AALOA veteran PhilliesSteve mans the San Fan squad and perennial AALOA SuperBowl favorite YT heads the Seattle squad. Week 1 will feature a Madden '12 Superbowl rematch with coaches illmatic and YT squaring off for another battle.

Arizona management is still looking for a young QB, and plans to rebuild their team through youth and draft picks.

Sat Sep 22, 2012 4:47 pm

Distractions Arise on the Eve of Opening Day

Just hours before the Cardinals will kickoff their season, reports have surfaced in Arizona about possible distractions in the Cardinals locker room as a result of last night's actions. Following coach illmatic's annual pre-season party, paparazzi snapped some exclusive photos of the young rookie head coach engaging in sexual acts with a tanned, large-breasted woman. The mysterious woman was later identified by the shape of her ass as Kim Kardashian.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Photo snapped last night at the Cards pre-season party

According to sources who requested anonymity, there was a dispute between the Cardinals coaching staff and the Kardashian entourage in regards to who could use the V.I.P. lounge, when coach illmatic graciously offered to buy a round of shots. At some point in the evening, coach illmatic became heavily intoxicated and belligerent and was escorted into a back room after throwing beer bottles at Kevin Kolb. It's not known how events transpired, but paparazzi snapped photos of coach illmatic and Kardashian in a back room engaging in sexual acts throughout the evening.

At a press conference today, coach illmatic used his best Bill Clinton impersonation and with his hand raised, stated "I did not have sexual relations with that woman!" When presented with the photographic evidence, illmatic responded "LOLZ guess i did!" Kardashian was seen leaving the party around sunrise, and while sprinting to her limousine, only said "Leave me alone!! I am totally exhausted and sore!!"

The fallout of these shenanigans is unknown. Since illmatic was hired as President, GM, and coach of the Cardinals, he is unlikely to be fired, or even punished. If anything, this event may have brought the Cardinals team closer together. "We are more of a family now than ever," said coach illmatic. "These guys are my brothers....Eskimo Brothers."

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

[/center]

Sat Sep 22, 2012 6:31 pm

lmfao funny shit

Sat Sep 22, 2012 7:22 pm

Hahha this is great.

The Arizonian

The Arizonian

Re: The Arizonian

Re: The Arizonian

Re: The Arizonian

Re: The Arizonian